Just the other day, I was at home, sitting in “my spot” in front of the tv, catching up on my shows on the dvr and my phone buzzed. I looked down and saw a notification that someone had purchased both of my e-books. Right after I put my phone down another order came through causing my phone to buzz again. I picked my phone up again to check it out and a warm rush of gratitude washed over me. Although this was not my first few orders and I had already sold over 300 copies, (which is mind-blowing to me) in that instant, I had a moment of clarity… and it was incredibly humbling.
Each time I get a notification on my phone that someone ordered one of my e-books, I get this, “surreal” feeling…every single time. Not because I don't think what I have to say is valuable, but because I feel tremendously blessed that God is providing and caring for me for simply putting my trust in Him.
I never thought someone would pay me to hear what I have to say. Like, it seriously blows my mind. I have so much to thank God for...so much.
Although my journey confuses me a lot of the time, some days my journey seems clearer than others. Things just seem to make sense.
I think about all that I've experienced and how it gave me a story. It gave me a testimony. I would not have much to share or write about had I not gone through what I did. My past struggles gave me the opportunity to experience God’s love for me in a whole new way. It gave me something to share.
This season of waiting has and still is teaching me to be patient, it’s teaching me to trust. Days like this I'm reminded that God loves us so much that he specifically withholds what we desire to strengthen our faith. It’s teaching me to love Him, to look to Him to fulfill me and not the simple things I am asking for. It is teaching me to be present, to rest, and to fight the urge to want to speed through my journey just to get to the “good” parts.
My journey, no matter how many ups and downs, is all good. It’s good because God wrote my days. I may not know what’s coming next or why, but God does. He planned it. From the very beginning.
This part of my journey is slowly revealing my purpose. My purpose is Him. It's God. It's sharing the deeps of my heart through my blog and my writing to those who will listen.
My dad said something in a letter he wrote to me before he died. He said,
"Be true to yourself, as God will change the environment for your purpose to be accepted by those who want to hear and see the truth."
That was almost 5 years ago. I get it now. God wants nothing from me but to live authentically. He wants me just to be. To look to Him for guidance and follow his lead. To journey truthfully and fearlessly not be ashamed of where I am in my journey in comparison to others.
I am slowly becoming at peace. I am becoming whole. I'm becoming Saunya. 100% authentic. Full and accepting of every part of me. The crooked parts and the straight.
So every time my phone alerts me that someone purchased a story that God put in my heart, I can smile knowing that I am walking right into the doors God is opening up for me.
And in the end, when this life is over when I stand face to face with my Creator, my Lord, and Savior, I want Him to beam with pride knowing that I used every bit of what He put inside of me.
Love.
Are you struggling with finding peace in your journey? Let's chat about it. Leave a comment below and tweet me to discuss.
