I turned 30 last September and I have to be honest, I haven't really appreciated it until now.
In all honesty, turning thirty freaked me out. I kept thinking about how my twenties were going to be just a memory, how I wasn't yet married, and how I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be in life. Time just seemed to be moving so swiftly. I wasn't ready to be thirty quite yet. What did being thirty mean anyway?
Somehow, over the years, I put “thirty” on a pedestal. To me, it meant entering the peak of adulthood. Having it all together - love life, spiritual life, professional life…all of it “together”.
In my mind, thirty meant having everything figured out. It meant being closer to my dreams and settling into the “good life”.
Notice how many quotation marks are being used here, lol. This is the fantasy that so many people get sucked into believing and it can be frightening. As the days started closing in to my thirtieth birthday, the more freaked out I had become because I had close to none of the things that I had expected to have by then. Had I failed?
This is the mistake that a lot of us make. We put expectations on ourselves and then beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them, all while not giving ourselves a chance to enjoy the season we are in now because we are so worried about making sure the next one is perfect.
Sighs.
That is exactly the place I was in. Fearing reaching a new decade of life instead of genuinely celebrating the new beginning that was getting ready to take place.
I remember my Aunt once telling me the clarity and wisdom that comes in your thirties and I didn’t truly understand what she meant until now.
Well, recently I took some time and reflected on this season of my life and surprisingly began to beam with pride. I had spent so much time focusing what I didn’t have and what I wanted instead of realizing how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown. When I actually sit down and think about it, life is pretty sweet right now. Not because of my circumstances or what I physically have, but for the peace and the fullness I feel in my heart.
At this time in my life, I have never been more content with who I am. For me to actually say that, is huge. It’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember.
Up to this point, my life has been full of self-discovery - peeling back new layers and learning new things about who Saunya is and who God created me to be.
I have learned so much about myself during my twenties and can clearly see how God is taking every mistake, failure, and slip up that I’ve had in my life thus far and is turning it into something that not only He can use for His good, but also for mine.
I like to call my twenties my years of exploration. Figuring out who I am, what I want and what I want to contribute to this world. Now this is a process that that never really ends, as God is continually showing me new things about myself every single day. However, since turning thirty, I’ve noticed that I’ve grown into this woman that is more confident and fearless and I love it. I know exactly who I am and Who I belong to. I know for a fact that no matter where I am in life, it is all in preparation for what God has in store for me. And that fact alone is the greatest lesson I learned in my twenties: God has it all figured out, so I don’t have to.
I now live each day excited for what is to come, with a full heart ready for all that God is going to do in me. It’s a fullness that I can’t explain.
This year, I’ll be turning 31 and I can honestly start this year proud of my age and where God has brought me. I can truly say that thirty suits me well. I love this new layer of womanhood that I‘m discovering. I love the confidence and the clarity that I am constantly feeling. It’s an amazing feeling that I pray grows even deeper.
If this is what thirty feels like, I wonder what forty will bring, not that I’m in a rush or anything, lol.
What does womanhood mean to you? Let's chat about it. Leave a comment below or tweet me to discuss.
