Why is it that sometimes we have to literally force ourselves to slow down to appreciate the present? Society throws so much at us all at once and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of trying to keep up.
But the thing is, why do we feel the need to “keep up”? I mean…keep up with who? And for what?
We had to fight...yes, fight, to see the beauty within ourselves when you told us it wasn't there.
We looked deep within ourselves, past the hurt, pain, and your hate for our skin to find that beam of light flickering in the midst of our rage.
And yet,
we found a way to celebrate who we are as black people. Because if we didn't who would've?
"If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there Your hand will guide me,
and Your strength will support me."
--
(NLT)
Wow. One year ago today, on my 28th birthday, I wrote my very first post here on A Love Perfect. So much has transpired in my life over the course of this year.
If I could sum up this year in one word, I would use the word "free".
For the first time in...well, ever... I am totally and completely at peace. I can't really explain it. It feels like an unbothered, unworried, settled feeling in the deep of my spirit. I'm happy. Finally.
To be honest, for so long my happiness depended on my surroundings; my outward circumstances. My joy lied in the hands of my peers. I had inconsistent peace. I allowed my life's events to dictate my state of being.
One of my greatest lessons this year is learning that joy is internal. Resting in the peace God gives leaves me without worries. It reminds me of something I shared in an interview last year with
, I said:
"There is no freedom like knowing that your joy can not be taken away from you. Once you find that internal joy and take advantage of the peace that only God provides, the joy you thought you had will be amplified. Your soul will ultimately be content. No one thing or person can enter your life and steal it away. That is true security."
Truly grasping that concept changed me for the better. I really began to understand the security I have with God's love.
So getting older isn't so bad. I'm actually in a place where growing, maturing and evolving excites me. And I can't do that without getting older right? I can't evolve without being pruned and shaken. I can't be whole without being broken. And I can't love deeply without first learning to forgive. All these lessons were learned during the most difficult times in my life. I finally understand the phrase "growing pains".
I am so amazed at how God is growing and carefully shaping me. This journey I'm on is no where near straight. There are twists and turns, bumps and roadblocks, but I moving forward. In the direction that God is leading me.
I'm so grateful for A Love Perfect and it's growth over this year. I'm so thankful for the many wonderful souls I've connected with and the many hearts my words have been able to touch. Look at what God is doing!
I could go on and on, but I want to end with a blurb that I recently wrote in the notes section of my phone:
"I've changed so much in the last few years. So much. Sometimes when I get glimpses of my past, whether it is a picture, writing or memory... I don't recognize that person. However, I am learning to love who that person was. Love the pain that that person went through, love the uncertainty and the flickering light within that person...without her, I wouldn't be full blaze. I appreciate her."
Love.
Saunya Shelise
